good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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