I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
