if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
