I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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