They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
