i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
