I should be sponsored by Trojan
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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