I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
