I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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