Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
