i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You're so nebulous sometimes
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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