I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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