so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh god the rape fog is back!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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