All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
