I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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