I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
