Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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