I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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