which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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