SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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