sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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