I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
