it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
