We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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