Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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