he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
