so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
