is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
