i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
