3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
