i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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