please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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