it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize