got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
