I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
