Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
