Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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