how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
