I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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