Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize