Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
