You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
