I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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