I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
