Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
