1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
