I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
