It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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