There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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