paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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