You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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