A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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