my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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