WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let's paint friendship bongs
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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