I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
