Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
