cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize