Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
