I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
