Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
