Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize