I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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