I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize