Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
