Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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