i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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