What did we do last night that was yellow?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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