I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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