It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
